Tea

So this morning my mum brought me a cup of tea in bed and it was the sweetest, most delicious tea ever and I just marvelled at the fact that mum is the only one who knows instinctively that I like my tea 30% sugar and doesn't judge me for it.

I believe tea is a magical thing, definitely on par with rainbows, kittens and books. If tea could be worshipped I would totally worship it. Maybe it's the British in me.
But my dad hates tea, so I like to stare at him menacingly as he stirs his coffee. On the bright side (there's always a bright side with tea) I get a cupboard all to myself for my tea collection, which currently contains my own tea pot bought from a charity shop, several mugs with kittens and patterns and phrases like 'keep calm and party hard' on them, 4 boxes of loose leaf tea- peppermint, creme brulee, rose hip and a herbal blend meant for studying. Tea is good.

Here are some things I like about tea:

- when you know how to make it properly by warming the pot first and it makes the tea 20% more delicious
- when you've finally mastered balancing the ratio of milk to tea
- reading a good book with a cup of tea
- making tea whenever there's a crisis to calm everyone down
- everything's classier with tea
- tea before bed
- tea in the morning
- tea in the afternoon
- tea and tumblr
- tea leaf reading
- finding new ingredients to add to tea like cinnamon
- chocolate tea
- chai tea
- having tea with your grandma
- having tea with your significant other
- when it's raining, curling up on the floor with a blanket, a book and a cup of tea
- tea is just made of magic

XOX Nay

My 16th Birthday

Today I felt it was time to share with you a piece of my own personal trauma.

They say bad decisions make good stories, and they’re not wrong. By this theory, then, my life is full of excellent stories. Perhaps the most infamous, at least among those who know me well, is the story of my 16^th Birthday Party.

In my first ever post I told you my age with this lovely picture:

THIS PICTURE IS A LIE.
This is not at all an accurate representation of my birthday.
Now, I feel I am emotionally ready to tell you the truth.

 On the 8th of October, I was flying home from my 3 week tour of America. Which meant a good 15 hours of my birthday were spent on a plane. On the plus side, I was seated next to Tina, who had bought me a present and a card with a banana on it and did her very best to make sure I had the best possible birthday plane ride of my life. It was pretty cool.

We also got chocolate cake at the airport stopover.

As my birthday and my 'welcome home' day were the same, I was flocked with loving family members bearing gifts and celebration at the airport. 

All except my mother, who had managed to simultaneously forget that the 8th of October was the day I came home, and the day of my 16th Birthday. I didn't hear from her until a few days later and I still sort of resent her for it.

My father was very excited about the perfect gifts he'd bought me, and even though I was a little bit horrified to unwrap not one, but two giant framed Twilight posters, I knew he meant well, and at least he'd remembered my birthday.

I insisted that I was up for my birthday dinner at our favourite restaurant, but jet lag caught up with me and I subsequently fell asleep at the table following the singing of 'happy birthday' 

I'd decided before going to America that since I'd be away on the 8th, my proper, full-blown coming-of-age celebration would happen on the 31st of October, what better time to celebrate becoming 16 than Halloween? The theme would be Tim Burton.

I carefully planned out every detail of my party from the food and decorations to my costume,
and like a good little girl I had every intention of keeping it substance-free.
That is, until my dad randomly walked into my room after a brief discussion about my party and added
"Oh, by the way, you can have alcohol at your party." I stared, gobsmacked.
"You're 16 and responsible, and the party is all girls. As long as I'm not there, you can drink"

Of course I took him up on this offer, and immediately notified my friends that alcohol was welcome.
Friday night arrived, I was putting on my Mrs Lovett costume

and dad was getting everything ready so he could stay at his girlfriend's place and leave us unsupervised. Now, I'd just like to say, he trusted me and thought we deserved some freedom. My dad meant well and is a very responsible, level-headed, caring parent. None of the events that unfolded are his fault.

At first it was all fun and games, one by one my friends rocked up in costume, this included Tina, my friend Mary, my girlfriend of the time Tay,  and several others.

All mature, responsible young ladies.
We put some vodka in the punch and sat outside chatting and eating snacks until it got dark and dad decided we were settled enough for him to leave us alone.
As soon as he had gone, we broke out ALL THE ALCOHOL.
and shit got real.

Most of the girls there, being under age,  had never been drunk before and did not know their limit.
It was fun at first, we laughed and drank and sang at the top of our lungs and drunkenly did the macarena.
But it was soon apparent that Tay had been pre-drinking and it took her very little time to get totally smashed.
We started drunkenly making out on my dining room floor when Mary staggered in. She sat down and watched us for a while, and then decided to join in. She kissed me, and then Tay, and then us both at once.
Then everybody else started kissing each other.
Remember the majority of these girls were 16 and straight.
And basically we ended up with a kind of lesbian kissing orgy on my kitchen floor.

I can't remember how I got there but next thing I know I was in my own bed with a very drunk and eager Tay. Being not nearly drunk enough to justify ignoring my inhibitions and going along with anything she did, I tried to leave, but she wouldn't let me. I think that's the moment I realized I didn't want to be with Tay, I wanted to be outside with my friends.
We'd had problems in the past and after nearly 3 months of dating I knew there was no way I could stay with her. I was kind of disgusted. With her, and myself. So I did what anyone in my situation would do, I rolled off the bed, ran to the bathroom and threw up.
I'm not sure if it was my conscience or alcohol poisoning, probably both, but I spend a great deal of time kneeling before the porcelain god wanting to die.
It was not my proudest moment.

Tay tried to be helpful by pulling my hair back and then putting me to bed and tried to cuddle me, but I just wanted her gone. Tired of putting up with her, I sent her away. She went outside and left me to my own devices, lying in bed in the dark convinced I was actually going to die.

A few of my friends came to check on me, the only two who still had their senses, one who was practised in CPR and made sure I didn't choke on my own vomit, and the other who hadn't had anything to drink and could assess the situation properly.
They asked me a series of questions to make sure I still knew who I was and Mary came in, joining in with the questions.
"What's the capitol of Holland? Here's a clue, it rhymes with HAMSTER SPAM!"
At that point we realized two of our friends had gone missing,
they'd decided to run to the beach in the dead of night, possibly to make out some more.

A search party was sent out to retrieve them, but I still couldn't move. Meanwhile outside on the trampoline there was more making out, and by this point Tay was so drunk people were starting to worry.
When Mary rejected Tay's advances and then tried to take her bottle of vodka away, Tay took a swing at her.
Mary came to find us, traumatized, and when we found Tay on crouched the floor clutching her bottle like some kind of deranged alcoholic gremlin we realized the party was well and truly out of control.
We resolved to ring parents.

I had sobered up completely by now, but unfortunately my body wasn't done rejecting my internal organs. Allie, the youngest and most sober girl there called her parents to sort everything out, and I had to try and be as mature and dignified as possible while I explained the situation to them in between retching into a bucket.

Mary, still sobbing and shaken from the attack, rang her cousin to pick her up and take her home. I couldn't do anything but hug her and apologise.
Tay was exceptional at acting sober, as soon as the adults arrived she turned into a complete angel, but luckily Allie's mum saw through this and despite much begging and protesting, called Tay's Mum to pick her up.
Tay's Mum arrived at the same time as my Dad. I grovelled at his feet.
"I'm so so so so sorry this is all my fault I was supposed to take care of everyone and keep everything under control! I'M SORRYYYY" I sobbed.

Dad looked around and wasn't phased at all, in fact I'm pretty sure he shrugged.
"It's okay! It could have been much worse, and it's not your fault"
"NO, IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU LEFT THEM UNATTENDED!" Tay's mum went off completely and started a full on screaming match. Dad handled it well, but refused to take the blame.
"Excuse me but it's YOUR daughter who'd been pre-drinking and got violent!"
and so it went on.

Once Tay and her mum stormed out, the party died down. Most of us had sobered up and were in no danger so the adults left us once everything was under control again. We pretty much just fell asleep watching Alice in Wonderland.
The next morning consisted of a lot of throwing up and trying to piece together the events of the night before, and when I realized that Tay had in fact cheated on me on that trampoline- or at least tried, I don't know the details, with Mary and, yes, Tina. (Oh so THAT'S why she spent 4 hours crying and apologising to me) I was a little bit torn up, but Tay had cheated on me a few times before, and I'd already decided to break up with her, so it was no real loss. And I never held it against my friends, Mary was well known for being the straight girl who got drunk and kissed girls, and Tina would never ever purposely do anything to harm anyone she cared abut, which included her boyfriend, who she apologised profusely to as soon as it happened. She'd never been drunk before and went overboard and it wasn't her fault.
I was traumatized though, my party had gone so wrong and I was dreading Monday, when I'd have to face Tay. Rumours of my party had already started circulating, and it almost became the stuff of legends, but I didn't care.
I spent the rest of my weekend wrapped in my duvet like a burrito of sadness and regret,watching Sex and The City and sobbing.

XOX Nay

Puberty Blues

So lately there have been a few tv shows all about both glorifying and exposing the teenage years, this is nothing new, but as a teenager myself I've found myself thinking about my own experiences growing up.
At 16.8 years old I'm pretty well past the initial horrors of puberty, but it's not something you easily forget.

In high school there are those privellaged enough to age gracefully, like somehow overnight they are visited by the pretty fairy and granted a supermodel complexion and a brand new pair of boobs.

and then, there was me.

Shy, geeky, crooked teeth, awkwardly tall, long mousey hair and glasses.
I was around twelve or thirteen when my skin started hating me.
I know there are many of you who go "Oh yes, I remember my first pimple! I woke up one morning and there it was."
I don't remember ever having just one pimple, it was always thousands at a time. I woke up one morning and my face was gone.
I would have killed to just have one.

Now, my self esteem wasn't great to start off with, but being labelled 'the ugly kid' didn't help me at all.
I fell into the trap of thinking I wasn't good enough. I wanted to be pretty.

As we all know, there are countless marketing companies that profit from the insecurities of young girls and women. They tell you what you don't have, and then try to sell it to you.

I bought into it, and begged my mum to buy me all the miracle products I so desperately needed. She, having been the pretty, popular one at my age took pity on me and assured me she would try everything.
I scrubbed viscously at my face twice daily, hoping that maybe I'd scrub my face off completely and a new, beautiful one might appear.

when it was clear that wasn't working, it didn't take me very long to give up on the twice-daily routine all together. I didn't like the injustice of having to spend so much time and money on my face when beauty came to others so effortlessly. What I needed was a miracle-once-off-instant-clear-skin-apply-whenever-you-feel-like-it remedy.

Sadly, such a thing didn't exist and mum finally offered to take me to see a dermatologist but never followed through. The best dermatological advice I got was that it was either stress, or my diet.
diet
diet
diet

which got me thinking...

Thus began my downward spiral of self loathing.
For a while I just decided I was too ugly to do anything.

Eventually Mum bought me some cover-up.

It was a beautiful shade of Dorito.

I found my own, much more efficient cover up.

Until one day I was ripped from my own self pity by a sense of determination.
I couldn't change what others thought of me, I couldn't change what the media told me to be, but I could become a person that made MYSELF, if no one else, happy.


I started eating properly again

Cut and dyed my hair several times over.

and even gave myself some new piercings..

By the end of it all, I was probably even further away from society's stupid idealistic view of beauty, but I didn't care what anybody thought anymore. I was me. I was individual.
I was happy.

and that's how I survived growing up.
Xox Nay.

Introducing Tina

This, is Tina.
She's my best friend.
We're close enough for me to not have to try and be tactful about drawing her boobs.

She is a combination of all the awesome in the world.

She's a Socialist Brony Nerdfighter of awesome.
We met in Australian Girls Choir last year, we both went on international tour.
Which meant together we got to explore AMERICA.

(that's me with different hair)
It was pretty damn amazing.
We went on adventures with peppermint tea and Barnes & Noble and buses and M&Ms and sooooo much singing. It was pretty much the highlight of my life, and I got to share it with her.

We've been through thick and thin, and even though she lives in the middle of nowhere

so we don't really get to see each other that often...
I know she will always be there for me,
With a cup of tea, a dash or wit and sarcasm, a string of inside jokes and so much kindness and loveliness.
She will always be my best friend.

The Internet

Ahh the internet, a place of wonder and splendour and originality.
I don't really have much to add to these pictures, they pretty much speak for themselves.

So I have this great idea for a book

It'll be a bestseller for sure.

Winter

So it's August, well into the winter weather.
I love the sound of rain, I love reading by the fireplace, I love blankets and fuzzy socks and hot soup and tea.
BUT I HATE WINTER.
This might seem a little unjustified, but I find winter really, really, really depressing
Every major psychological  breakdown I've ever had has been during winter.
This is because of a beautiful gift from my mother,
Hereditary Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Or SAD
which is what it is really, sad.
It's just like regular depression, but only in winter.
This depression means it takes a great deal of effort for me to muster up the motivation to do simple tasks, like school work or getting out of bed.
My teachers have begun to notice this and their first conclusion was that my love life might be distracting me.
In fact it's just because I'm too lazy and depressed to do anything.
Now generally I'm a very energetic, happy-go-lucky person, but winter comes along with it's depressing cloud blanket of gloom and sadness and messes that up.
You know how hard it is to get out of bed when you're depressed?
Try doing that every day for three months.
This is why I'm late to school every morning, contrary to the popular belief that I spend every morning before school having sex with Bec, who is actually in her own bed, also sleeping.

Getting out of bed in summer:

Getting out of bed in winter:

and so this is why I can't wait for summer.
Bye for now
xox Nay